How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
