eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So many bounce houses so little time
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
