I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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