how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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