After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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