Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
