so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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