hell yes lets make some ravioli
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
