I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
