is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
