As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
