he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
