Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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