woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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