he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
