I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
