I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
