Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
