He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize