At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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