i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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