my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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