the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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