He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
