It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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