can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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