he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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