My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
