im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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