Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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