I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
