No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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