no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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