that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
NoShamevember. You game?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize