dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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