how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
