He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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