I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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