I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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