i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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