we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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