Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
