I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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