you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
