Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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