I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
