My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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