Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
babies were throwing up all over the place
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
