And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
