Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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