Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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