His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
