You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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