I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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