After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
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He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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