your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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