Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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