I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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