He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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