just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.