your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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