His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
