now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
