Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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